Just in casual conversations in passing I realize that because of everything that is chaotic around me lately in life I’ve been getting this intense desire to just..hide. I wait sometimes to open e-mails that I perceive to be problematic, I don’t reply to texts right away even if they are positive ones, I’m afraid to go to work most days because of the pile of work I am still trying to catch up on, and really all I want to do is run away and hide. I am depleted. I feel like I have nothing more to give. I feel like I am failing and falling flat on my face. I catch myself sometimes thinking about completely leaving the country, or totally caving in on myself by quitting and staying in bed all day and vegging out, or thinking about being able to hide my perceived failings at work by thinking about just being married with kids staying home and not having to ever be an an office again etc. And while binging on DVD tv series and eating donuts in my bed aka my Christmas days off this week isn’t necessarily a bad thing and feels pretty amazing (can I get an amen) I feel like it is not always in a way that is totally healthy and borders on not being normal. It feels safer I guess than coping with the things around me that I cannot change.
It occurred to me the other day that this phrase “Hide and Seek” easily applies to my spiritual journey. I want to hide. I sometimes actually do hide, but I also know that ready or not Jesus is going to come looking for me. He is going to seek me even if I do not want to be sought.
Today as I return to work from what was a nice relaxing lazy break I remind myself that though I have the urge to crumble and cower and hide..the Bible says that Jesus can be my hiding place. I can find shelter under His wings. He is my refuge and strength.