I hadn’t been in the office for an hour before I got a call about some of our neighbors. I won’t bore you with the details but for most of my life I have lived in a small 1 bedroom apartment with my brother and parents. I technically live in the dining room. My brother lives in the 1/2 bedroom office area. My parents have the bedroom. There is only one other apartment in the building. There is a store downstairs, and a business around back. And I can honestly say for the majority of the time that we’ve lived there it’s been more or less a nightmare for 20 years.
So today’s conversation was much of the same. Everyone is always fighting with each other about parking spaces, meddling in each other’s business, stealing items that belong to each other out of the basement, breaking things out of frustration, gossiping about each other, and other unnecessary drama. And to top it off it’s basically a mockery to everyone around us that we are Christians. Even more so to my father who likes to throw the dirt around with our neighbors and pin them against the rest of our family since he isn’t a Christian and thinks our beliefs are a joke.
On and off over the course of my life I have wondered why God has not removed me from these kinds of situations. Honestly it’s exhausting to have this external drama with the neighbors and shop owners, internal drama because my dad is not a Christian and a former alcoholic/drug addict and is a very negative presence in the home, my brother is schizophrenic and so that comes with it’s own challenges, my mom is constantly in and out of work, and my job of three years is very toxic. It’s like the situations are all similar and relentless. There is not one area (other than I suppose church) that I ever feel 100% rest. It’s hard to always relax and let go when on a human level you just want to get away from the pressure i.e. move into a new apartment, a new job, have the necessary provision, etc. and yet you stand at the proverbial door and knock and knock and knock and nothing opens.
Today in the midst of the drama I remind myself that I AM A DAUGHTER OF A KING WHO IS NOT MOVED BY THE WORLD. He is not worried. He has my entire life prepared before me. Despite the attacks around me I am not moved. I can choose to continue to stand knowing that I am His.
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