I have never felt so torn in my professional life. Last I wrote here on the blog I was going to take a leap of faith and accept a new job opportunity. However I was taken on an all new journey when I went to my boss to give my two-weeks notice and he matched the offer I was being given from the other company and promised me a promotion.
Here is the update I posted on my personal social media page earlier today:
Ultimately after Sunday’s sermon I have chosen to trust God and not rely on my own “vision” or what the world or my peers might think is the obvious choice. The sermon discussed two blind men in the Bible (Matthew 20) and how they called out to Jesus. They couldn’t see it was Him but they knew it was Him. And Jesus asked them “What do you want me to do for you?” and when they asked for sight He gave it to them. In much of the same way I feel like I am two people. I’m the employee at [Current Company] and the prospective employee of a corporate giant, [Prospective Company]. I don’t know which was better and could weigh the pros of both. I toiled a lot over this. I felt ashamed for signing an offer and possibly changing my mind. I felt worried about leaving a place I love for the unknown. I went back and forth and back and forth. And ultimately decided that I want to be the kind of person that makes the unpopular choice. That goes for the underdog. That goes with my heart and you all know how much I love the people I work with now. But of course part of you feels foolish at the same time for turning down a huge, rich, corporation. I was ready to make my decision and found out the Hiring Manager in HR was out of the office today. Rather than waste any more time, although it was not ideal, I decided to leave him a voice-mail and a corresponding e-mail. I pray that this ends any anxiety now that I’ve made a choice. Here is what I wrote and thank you all for your prayers and listening to my worries about this whole situation:
“I tried to call your office line in the hopes that you had an OOO number to reach you but unfortunately I think you are probably on your way somewhere for Thanksgiving.
I just wanted to keep you up to speed in the decision making process after my conversation with the CEO here at [Current Company]–which as you may recall—was when I called you on Friday. I’ve spent the past four days truly grueling over the conversation with him and my decision to accept the position at [Prospective Company] and feeling torn between the two. To be completely honest as I mentioned on Friday it was a very hard conversation to have with my CEO and I was 100% prepared to give my two-weeks notice and start with [Prospective Company]. The conversation ended up developing into one I was not expecting and we spent over two hours in his office discussing why he needed me to stay and his plans for me to better the company as a whole..
I just want to take the time from the bottom of my heart to thank you so much for offering me the position of [Prospective Position] at [Prospective Company]. It has been an absolute pleasure speaking with you, and [names withheld] and learning more about your company. It was undoubtedly an easy decision at the time to accept such a wonderful opportunity.
Unfortunately, after giving a great deal of thought to this over the weekend, I have decided that it is in my long-term best interest, as well as [Current Company]’s, to turn down your gracious job offer. I have recently decided to remain here at [Current Company] because I believe the CEO’s desire to elevate my position and incorporate me into a lot of the business development and decision-making processes will ultimately be a better fit long-term for my abilities and skill set. It was quite a shocking thing to be offered full-reign of particular developments and projects considering I have been here for such a short time, but rewarding at the same time to know how much faith they have in my work here. I have the utmost respect for their counter-offer and it has caused me to analyze and re-evaluate what kind of employee and leader I hope to be and ultimately their guidance in this new venture here at [Current Company] has confirmed my decision to stay.
I am so sorry for any inconvenience my decision may cause since you may have told other prospective interviewees that the position was filled and thus I was hoping to be able to speak to you this morning over the phone. Words cannot express the gratitude I have for all the time you have invested in speaking with me, answering any questions, and listening to my situation once I met with my CEO on Friday.
I continue to be impressed with all of the new developments and industry recognition [Prospective Company] continually receives and particularly with the great work the team is planning to roll out with [confidential information] through [Current Company]. Ultimately it comes down to the tough decision to turn down your generous offer, for the equally generous offer from [Current Company] in desiring to keep me here.
I sincerely hope you go not feel any ill-will towards this decision I have made and that both our companies can continue to deliver great work through our partnership together.
I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.
It’s scary to post this. It’s scary to think that this company could find my blog. All of these things are fears. All of these things are anxious thoughts. However I’m choosing to be bold. I’m choosing to believe in the wake of my fears that somehow this is still from God. That I can declare over my anxieties that God is bigger than any corporation. That no matter what decision I make or don’t make, God’s plan for my life will be fulfilled. The good news is..I can’t blow this. I can’t ruin my life. I can choose to refresh my spirit in knowing that His hand is still on me.
Have you ever had to make a tough decision? I’d love to hear in the comments. I pray that if you are facing a tough call today that you choose the option that will make you into the person you believe God wants you to be–even if it is an unpopular choice among your peers.