I backslid yesterday. It’s been a while since I allowed the actions of others to make me question myself and after confiding in my mom about how I was feeling I actually felt sick afterwards. I think this is why Philippians 4:8 instructs us to think good thoughts and positive things:
8-9 Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.
Without going into a whole bunch of detail I was reminded of something that is actually still a bit painful–which is that while I am very involved in church that I still find myself not having any “real” friends. What I mean is..it’s easy to be included on a Sunday but from Mon-Sat it’s very rare that I’ll be texted or asked to hang out. I’ve often felt a little…unwanted in church and when I was of school age–in school. To feel like you’re liked but you’re not an integral part of a group. That’s all I want to say about that so I don’t stir up bad feelings again. But most of us feel that way at one point or another–or even worse you feel that way the majority of the time.
I’ve been content over the years to just hang out with my mom, or cat, or Jesus. And while these are all good things–there’s still that “community” aspect that a lot of us are looking for. It can be difficult to feel that you are in a church, volunteering, in a Bible study, part of an extracurricular sport, whatever it is and still feel disconnected.
I think it’s important to remember that most of the time these feelings of rejection or loneliness are straight from the Devil. He wants us to feel bad and alone. If anything in those times I try to realign myself by listening to a worship album or reading the Bible or blogging about it. Ultimately if I never made another friend in the world, God can and will supply all my needs. But God is good, all the time, and sometimes you need to just accept for whatever reason you are in this season alone just you and God. Maybe He is sparing you from toxic relationships, maybe He wants you all to Himself to speak private personal things that only you need to hear on your journey with Him. It’s not a blanket statement–and we are all on unique journeys.
But I liked this quote, which I’ve heard is actually from George MacDonald not CS Lewis, because it reminds us all that we are more glorious than we think. We were “born in God’s thought and then made by God”. That is who we are. We are not defined by human praise or relationships or our past or our human weaknesses, we are defined by God and God alone. If God thought we were a good idea–then we are a good idea. If God thought we were important to bring into this time on Earth then we were.
You are a precious thing. I am a precious thing. And I’m inspired to meditate on these facts always.