Single, Don’t Want to Mingle

I think it’s hard as a single, Christian person sometimes to navigate the dating landscape. Or at least it is for me.

  1. I don’t like dating
  2. Therefore I don’t date a lot
  3. I’m sort of picky in that I’m not usually attracted to a lot of guys
  4. I find the whole thing depressing as of late

Just speaking plainly, I don’t want to date. I want to meet someone of course but I don’t want to invest tons of time getting to know someone and unpacking my life and past to someone who I don’t think will be someone in the future.

Weird I know.

I realize that in some ways that’s a lot of pressure, but I think as a Christian, it’s hard to date. It’s hard to date because there’s not always tons of people who are also Christians, and it’s also hard because you don’t want to be overly tempted to exceed physical boundaries if you are a virgin or return to past mistakes if you have had sex before.

Also I feel like in my experience the dating pool is small in church. Loads of people always seem to be married since their early 20s, and therefore for me, I’m about 5 years past expiration. Because the dating pool is small you have about 10 girls who are all attracted or interested in one guy and vice versa. So it gets real, really quick.

Today I found myself temporarily mourning my spinster-status as a slowly by surely nearing 30 year old lady. It can be super hard to be attracted to guys who aren’t Christians for one. It might make for some fun flirtatious conversion to affirm that you are in fact, still attractive to the opposite sex. But it can also be depressing because playing in the back of your mind ad nauseum is the old phrase “don’t be unequally yoked”. It can also be depressing when the only guys who seem interested in you, or talk to you like a worthwhile lady are not the guys who go to your church.

The struggle, ladies, and gentlemen is real.

One of my biggest “sins” in life so to speak is worrying about my romantic future. Granted I’m young to many. I don’t need to worry about anything. And yet, there’s that human part of every person who wants to be affirmed that they are in fact funny, attractive, smart, etc. I can literally count on one hand the number of people I know for a fact who have been interested in me, and two of them I’ve dated. The rest, meh, were nothing to write home about.

So it’s not like I’m backstroking in waves and waves of eligible Christian men here you know? It can be hard to see things working out for other people, or seeing guys compliment how talented or beautiful the ladies around you are and you’re just like, excuse my while I dissolve into a puddle of sorrow and regret with my cat and a glass of wine.

But in all seriousness. It’s not easy. And honestly, I don’t always believe people when they say that they never think about their single status or the  depressing horizon of no one.

I’m mainly writing this to vent, but I’m also letting you know if you feel like this that you’re most definitely not alone. I often wonder what’s taking so long. I can’t wait to give my future husband a swift punch to the gut when he casually arrives on the scene. I’ve been waiting for you! You know?

But mostly I want to write this so whenever that day comes I can look back at myself and laugh for all the worries because somehow I know God will provide and He always gives me more than I ask or think I deserve.

 

7 thoughts on “Single, Don’t Want to Mingle

  1. I feel the same way as you, the dating world is tiresome and especially hard to avoid falling into temptation as a Christian. I’m 25 and often times feel like the marriage life isn’t going to happen for me. I have a boyfriend, yet not sure if he will be the one I end up marrying and living my life with. So the dating world is definitely a struggle, and I think this becomes a constant thought as you age. At least, that’s what happened to me.

  2. Believe it or not, but I think we are on the same boat. I always believe that God will always give us more than we ask or think we deserve. And deep inside me, I am still hopeful that somewhere down this road of singleness, God will lead me to that one person He is preparing for me. Yes, it is quite a challenge to wait especially when social media bombards me with “relationship goals” and relationship statuses. Waiting is really painful. But I guess, I’d rather wait than throw myself into the world of casual dating, of hookups and hanging out. Just so you know, you’re not alone in this. We never are.

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