Have you ever felt like something was on its way? It feels like a combination of excitement and almost fear? Or like you are forgetting something that you wrote down on your calendar but have this funny feeling? I’ve been feeling like something is on the horizon for a little while now.
I’ve come to recognize this as a transition.
The last official time I remember this started was April 27th of this year.
For context, ever since I began volunteering at my church, I stayed planted on the same team. I grew in that team and became a leader of that team. It was something that helped me find community and purpose in church instead of just going to services and leaving. I will always be grateful for being able to create home for people coming to church and for the whole experience.
After doing this for a number of years, there were several months at the end where I felt really burned out in that capacity. I’ll even admit in darker times felt very alone and bitter serving. But there was this feeling of responsibility and obligation. I didn’t want to give up. I didn’t want to lose my “security” and the place I thought I found to contribute something to the church. To be a good servant for God. And yet, I knew something was changing. And I was scared that it might be me.
I worried that people would be disappointed in me, I worried that no one would care what I did any more because I wasn’t actively volunteering, I worried that I would lose my purpose and drift through Sundays. There were a lot of feelings I had. And yet, officially on April 27th I cut my rope.
It wasn’t this heroic thing. It was more like, God, I don’t feel like I have it in me to continue in this capacity any more. I’m tired. I don’t feel valued. I feel alone. And I wonder if these are just feelings from burnout or if you are changing my heart because I’ve been comfortable here, and it’s time to move on.
And I want to encourage you, in church, in your job, at school, in your relationships, whatever it might be. To realize that sometimes, comfortable isn’t a good thing. It’s ok to change. I’m not saying cut out everyone in your life and be selfish and do your own thing. But I’m saying sometimes, things are meant to be for a season. And God wants you to keep growing.
I find myself relating to Isaiah 42:16 ESV “And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.”
So here I am, embarking on some new adventures, pushing deeper into some other interests I have in church that surround women and aspects of social justice because I think God has prepared my heart for these things.
I am challenged to look up some stories again in the Bible for accounts where God took people out of their comfort zone because He wanted them to accomplish something else. Please comment below if anything comes to mind!