Just a little hope

About two weeks ago I was preparing for my Heart for the House giving. It’s an annual event at my church and while not mandatory – it creates space for everyone to invest a bit more than their usual tithes.

Think about it this way – some can give $1 and some can give $100 – but it’s giving to the heart of our church. Maybe this looks like investing more in community, or putting a downpayment on a building if it becomes available so we don’t have to just rent every Sunday.

Anyway that’s not the point of this post.

The point is, I already knew a number God asked me to give. I’m not amazing and I still struggle to hear God’s voice more than I’d like. But suffice it to say that you usually know it’s God when it’s not something you want to do. Ha.

So I did what I knew He was asking and I didn’t feel strong-armed or worried.

But typical God, He wasn’t done asking me to do something.

Now, truth be told, this year has been one of the worst years of my life. And that story will not be written any time soon, unfortunately. But I’ve really suffered this year and felt crippled to write. So when God asked me to do something else, I was not jazzed about it. This wasn’t just a tithe, or volunteering, or anything I’d happily do. Nope, not Jesus.

Because Jesus, well He asked me to buy a wedding planner.

My friend Polly made this planner and I loved the idea, but obviously I’m single AF and there was no need to buy this anytime soon. Add into this, my past year and the total belly flop my heart and my hope has taken and it’s safe to say I didn’t get this prompt at all. While I want to find love and get married, I really feel like my hope is a really pathetic shriveled raisin.

And yet, it was unmistakable that God wanted me to buy this. Because, well, I didn’t want to.

I’ve put it off for almost two weeks now, but today, on Black Friday, I added that baby to cart and we’ll see. I plan on putting it away in storage, but I want to be faithful in everything God asks me to do. Especially when I don’t want to.