The Life I See

As I was drifting off to bed last night after a long work day I had two thoughts:


  1. I’m missing my #100daycreativechallenge post
  2. I’m feeling delusionally inspired to write a mini manifesto for the life I want


I’m equally tired and delirious tonight but not only do I want to write my life manifesto but I also owe myself and the creative challenge a post for today.


So here’s what I will write for The Life I see:

I see a life that is filled with laughter and purpose

I see a life that contains a family fully focused on Jesus and His kingdom

I see a life with a family of sons and daughters

I see a life with a  family of adopted sons and daughters

I see a life of writing adventures inspired by God’s faithfulness

I see a life that includes people who are not included

I see a life that is filled with unexpected generosity

I see a life that has a home where anyone is welcome to stay

I see a life that contains travel and conferences and speaking engagements

I see a life that is ever focused on drawing closer to God

I see a life that never forgets its purpose




There are some times when I feel really overlooked. Like everyone is being noticed or elevated for their talents or skills within church and I often am the nameless one. Meaning, people in leadership still don’t know me by name or what my function is. I don’t need to be praised but sometimes you can wonder how you can be so under the radar after years and years and people don’t know that you’re a leader. Don’t get me wrong I know some people aren’t good with names. I know I’m not visibly high on the totem pole either. But sometimes you can feel like no one notices you or appreciates you. In darker times you can even feel like other people are favored by God or the church.

I remember long ago I had posted that when I was first attending Hillsong NYC I felt like I wasn’t beautiful enough or talented enough to be a part of this church. I realized it was definitely the enemy speaking to me and my own insecurities but it was still a sad realization to have. I learned though after a while that some other people felt the same way and so that was refreshing to some degree.

Another time I shared on here how I began feeling during one season of my life that I would never be on stage. I do things behind the scenes to make church home, but I’m not someone anyone is looking at. Right? Wrong. During that season God had a need for me to help out with the choir for church and voila–my big head on monitors everywhere. Haha. I believe God has a funny way of taking your doubts and showing that He can do whatever He wants with you. If you don’t believe you are going to be noticed, He’ll shine a spotlight on you. If you are having a bad day, don’t be surprised if He sends a stranger your way to compliment you. God is good.

Today I wanted to share that I am a part of TMNGHT at my church. TMNGHT or team night is a weekly gathering where everyone who volunteers in a creative capacity gets together to have a mini service and then break off to do team trainings or activities. I’ve done two of these trainings so far for my Venue Design team and felt very honored to be able to do that. You get to explain why we do what we do, why I love it, why it’s important, and bond with each other. It has also helped me feel validated as a leader because I know I have wisdom to share and you don’t always get that opportunity.

I happened to be looking up when my next training was on a shared document from the team and I was shocked to see that not only do I have a training next month for my team BUT I will be speaking a message for the whole group!

This is not, yay me time, but more like affirmation that you can feel unnoticed but God will still use you if you don’t lose hope and even if you have lost it. I’ve been at this church for 4 years and it’s just now happening that these opportunities have come my way. Before that I was in churches my entire life, and was never asked to lead anything or share anything. Over time you can feel jealous that other people are having that time in the limelight, or confused that you have desires that are not being fulfilled and wonder why you aren’t chosen.

I just want to remind you that you are purposed. Your time might not be now and you might have to watch a parade of people getting jobs, or being proposed to, or having babies, or getting raises, or speaking at church or whatever, and it can feel like God just loves those people more than you. But God doesn’t have favorites. Sometimes you might feel discouraged but just know that I have as well and when I didn’t expect it, God showed himself faithful.