It’s a bird, it’s a plane.

The past two nights I’ve had very poor sleep. My brother is back in the hospital being evaluated, tension has been strong in my house, and over really the past year I’ve been thinking about taking a step back from one of my leadership roles at church. I think all of that has contributed to my sleep issues.

Last night I had a weird dream and I think it was somewhat interesting so I’m going to share.

Over really the past month or two, I’ve had sporadic dreams where I’m trying to catch a plane in an airport but everything is delayed or I was too late and missed it.

Last night I was in the airport, and going through bag check and they opened a bonsai tree I had brought with me. It was covered in cellophane and I told them I hadn’t opened it yet. The one man unwrapped the cellophane and out of nowhere when a bird squeezes itself out and feathers fall everywhere.

According to

  • To dream that you miss your flight or a connection or that it was cancelled indicates that you are feeling helpless and trapped by some situation. You feel that you are being held back, either physically or mentally. Alternatively, the dream may also suggest that you are feeling disconnected in some aspect of your life – work, relationship or home life


  • To dream that you transfer planes implies an important transitional phase in your life which will take you away from your intended path. These changes will take you to new directions and new heights of status and recognition


  • To see birds in your dream symbolizes your goals, aspirations and hopes. To dream of chirping and/or flying birds represents joy, harmony, ecstasy, balance, and love. It denotes a sunny outlook in life. You are experiencing spiritual freedom and psychological liberation. It is almost as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.


  • I also looked up Bonsai trees on Wikipedia and thought this was interesting:


The practice of bonsai development incorporates a number of techniques either unique to bonsai or, if used in other forms of cultivation, applied in unusual ways that are particularly suitable to the bonsai domain. These techniques include:

  • Leaf trimming, the selective removal of leaves (for most varieties of deciduous tree) or needles (for coniferous trees and some others) from a bonsai’s trunk and branches.
  • Pruning the trunk, branches, and roots of the candidate tree.
  • Wiring branches and trunks allows the bonsai designer to create the desired general form and make detailed branch and leaf placements.
  • Clamping using mechanical devices for shaping trunks and branches.
  • Grafting new growing material (typically a bud, branch, or root) into a prepared area on the trunk or under the bark of the tree.
  • Defoliation, which can provide short-term dwarfing of foliage for certain deciduous species.
  • Deadwood bonsai techniques such as jin and shari simulate age and maturity in a bonsai.


Bible verses I looked up this  morning:

    The Great Tree Is Made Small and the Small Tree Great ] God’s Message came to me: “Son of man, make a riddle for the house of Israel. Tell them a story. Say, ‘God, the Master, says: “‘A great eagle with a huge wingspan and long feathers, In full plumage and bright colors, came to Lebanon And took the top off a cedar, broke off the top branch, Took it to a land of traders, and set it down in a city of shopkeepers. Then he took a cutting from the land and planted it in good, well-watered soil, like a willow on a riverbank. It sprouted into a flourishing vine, low to the ground. Its branches grew toward the eagle and the roots became established— A vine putting out shoots, developing branches.
  • Behind and underneath all this there is a holy, God-planted, God-tended root. If the primary root of the tree is holy, there’s bound to be some holy fruit. Some of the tree’s branches were pruned and you wild olive shoots were grafted in. Yet the fact that you are now fed by that rich and holy root gives you no cause to crow over the pruned branches. Remember, you aren’t feeding the root; the root is feeding you.
  • Psalm 91:4

    He will cover you with his feathers,
        and under his wings you will find refuge;
        his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

All in all I think this is supposed to be a good dream. I am going to new places, I have packed everything I needed, and maybe the bonsai tree is to show that God is sill forming and controlling everything, and I can be free like the bird. 

I don’t have to be weighed down, maybe this is validation that stepping back out of that role was a God decision.

What do you think? Anything I missed? Comment below.

Walking On Glass

I wanted to write this down the day I awoke from this dream but it’s been very busy for me the past month and I haven’t been able to write anything I’ve wanted to! Apologies on that.

So here we go.

I haven’t had a recognizable “God dream” in a while. But I definitely think that this was one of them.

On one Monday night in March I had a very short dream. I was walking barefoot outside and sort of..taking in my surroundings and enjoying the fresh air and scenery. I was alone but in the distance I saw a small group of people I knew and sat down on a rock. I put my one leg, or rather ankle, on top of my knee, somewhat cross-legged, and saw something shimmering on the sole of my right foot. I began to inspect and realized it was a shard of glass. I pulled it out. I realized there were lots of them, some big and small, some made me bleed, some hurt, some didn’t. And then I woke up.

I reflected on a few things in the Bible and random thoughts and this is what I came up with:

  • Feet shod with the gospel
  • Pilgrimage
  • Exodus 3 barefoot because standing on Holy Ground


Here are some random links Google discovered for me:

I still can’t figure out exactly what I think of it, and was waiting so long to post it, but I don’t want to wait any longer. Would be cool if you had any thoughts on it. If you do, post below!

Jesscbnyc Announcement

Hey guys,

I’ve been keeping a secret since November and now it’s official! I will be contributing content for Horacio Printing !!!

For those of you who might now know, Horacio Printing makes awesome planners that help you organize your life. Sometimes life can deteriorate your plans and dreams and this planner is crucial to make sure that you are cultivating the calling and dreams in your life.

The good news is I will be blogging here and there so nothing is changing. Feel free to subscribe or keep an eye on on the Horacio Blog here.



Also the planner has been such a huge success that the 2016 version has already sold out!!! But I have some news. There will be a limited re-release of planners for those who missed out on the first run.

Simply go to this link and enter the promo code “preorder” for a 20% off savings!



32 Hours Left


Hi lovelies,

Just a friendly reminder that you can support this Kickstarter and get your hands on a beautiful 2016 planner:

I got my planner this year, 2015. And I love it. It inspires you to dream , plan, and see the goals God has for you this year.

I’ve never met Polly, the founder of Horatio Printing, but she attends my church, Hillsong NYC. I’ve always believed in supporting women, since so many of us have a dream in our hearts that we don’t know how to fulfill. I’m happy for her that she fulfilled her dream to make this planner and that she is pioneering to publish this again in 2016. I want to support women in my local church and I want them to support me.

On a global level, Polly is donating 10% of the proceeds to A21 a non-profit I love to endorse and support.

If you feel so inclined, buy a planner for the woman in your life. Support a girl who followed her dream to make this planner, and support women in Europe whose dreams are dying under the weight of forced slavery.

I truly believe we can make a difference. We can’t do everything but we can do something.

Be blessed,


Tuesday Inspiration 7.7.15

Sometimes I can forget to take full advantage of my lunch break at work. There’s something so healing about the warm sun on your skin, an ice cream in the park, a walk through the streets. I am creative, I enjoy little things like this, and most days I remember who I want to be.

I want to make an impact on this world.

I want to be a writer.

I want to speak.

I want my blog to be profitable.

I want to visit my Compassion child in Ethiopia.

I want to do a missions trip for sex-trafficking in Thailand.

I want to see all that God has for me.

I want to trust Him more each day.

I want to believe in myself.

Sometimes you just have to get out of your office, your home, your apartment, and take a walk. It puts things into perspective.

Declaration for 2015

So there’s still 9 months to go in 2015 but I want to accept a challenge that was laid out by Rick Warren in the Bible Plan I am reading called “God’s Dream for Your Life”.

Three benefits of telling others about your dream:

1. It gets you started. Once you’ve announced it, you’re accountable to try and get moving.

2. It attracts other people’s support. The moment I stated my dream, other people wanted to get in on it. A dream from God will attract people that you don’t even know yet to help you.

3. It releases God’s power. Because of your faith, you step out of the boat and start walking on water. God will hold you up!

My declaration:

On November 11th 2013 I started this blog. I announced it. I posted. Most of my nearly 200 followers are complete strangers. That in itself is wild. I don’t even have 200 real life friends people! I am so grateful for the transformation that has occurred in me during that time. In a lot of ways I started broken and discouraged and now I am healthy and encouraged! I have a physical timeline of posts where I can revisit old Jess and the raw experiences she had, and compare it to the current Jess who has survived those experiences.

(As I was getting ready to type out my new declaration my WordPress crashed. Luckily my last session which was unsaved mind you came back, but this is an affirmation that this is the right day to declare what I want to see, and that the Enemy does not like declarations!)

1. My dream is to be a powerful speaker. As a girl I would write and illustrate my own books with crayons. As a school girl I used to write poetry and stories. In college I continued to pursue creative writing. It has always been a constant in my life. People have affirmed that I am “real”, that my experiences are powerful and help them. I believe that as insignificant as I often feel, as bitter as I have sometimes felt because of the things I have experienced, that God has purposed me and designed me, and I will reach many people, especially women with my words; both spoken and written. I declare God’s favor and truth over my life and my blog. I invite the Holy Spirit to send people who need encouragement my way. I leave it up to God to grace me with women who have yet to start their own blogs to be encouraged by me and participate in Guest Blog Posts on my site. I believe that I will be a voice to my generation. I believe God can use anyone and I want to be that someone.

2. My dream is that other people will see value in what I post and have to say. I pray that I will stay encouraged when people tell me that “the market is over-saturated” with people who are doing the same things as me. God’s word never returns void and even if I am among many, I know that my unique voice and journey is still valid and important and needed.

3. I pray that even when I do not feel bold or important that my simple vision and declaration in this very post will release God’s power as I continue to take ground, post by post and word by word to declare His glory and release His gifts through me.

I think the crazier life gets the more God needs His people to rise up. To not believe the lies from the world or even from fellow Christians that tell them their dreams are too big, or have been carried out already. Let us believe that our God is big enough to carry an eternity of plans, provision, and dreams, and is just waiting for us to believe that He is good enough to trust us to dispense them on His behalf.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

What is to come

Following Vision Sunday at Hillsong on February 8th I found myself challenged. Our Senior Pastor Brian Houston in Sydney has his own declaration for the global Hillsong family but I want my own declaration and my own personal vision as well. It’s Biblical to have a vision:

Habakkuk 2:2-3 MSG

And then God answered: “Write this.
    Write what you see.
Write it out in big block letters
    so that it can be read on the run.
This vision-message is a witness
    pointing to what’s coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait!
    And it doesn’t lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait.
    It’s on its way. It will come right on time.

I want to challenge myself to write my own vision which hopefully I will have to post soon. Things that I see lacking, things that I want changed, things I want to improve for myself, etc.

In one of my iPhone devotionals it also challenged me to identify my purpose and what I love to do. This is something that I am still trying to figure out but I think is a good challenge for creating a vision.

From Day 5 of 21 Days to a Victorious Life:

Day 5–Create His vision for your life 
If you want to achieve victory over your life, you have to create a vision. Not only in one area, but create a vision in your careers, relationships, health and in your spiritual walk with God. In the Bible, God says you have the ability to overcome everything according to Romans 8:37. Yes, everything. Most importantly, you have to understand that your life needs balance if you are to reach your true God given potential as well as fulfilling God’s purpose for your life.
There are countless scriptures that encourage creating a vision. They remind us to write our vision down and it shall come to pass and to declare and decree a thing and it will be established.
So, do you need to create a vision for your life? If so, use this method to create a powerful and purposeful vision.
What Do You Love to Do?
After you have an understanding of what you love to do, commit to do more of it. There was a time over the course of the last few years that I found myself moving at my own speed and not at God’s. Because of this my schedule was always busy and while I was making progress, I wasn’t doing what God had purposed for my life.
Take Inventory
Check in with God. Ask Him what His plan and purpose are for your life. God has put wants in your heart to guide you as you carry out your purpose and His plan. Next, take inventory.
As I began to take inventory, I wrote every single task I performed daily on “Post It” notes. I included serving on several accounting and business boards, running a small business, writing and teaching, spending time with family and friends, and other tasks. Then, I separated these daily tasks into two distinct groups:
I made a firm commitment to only do what I love to do and move away from tasks that I did not enjoy. And today, my life is finally in a place where I enjoy everything I do!
Don’t Waste Your Time
After identifying my purpose, which I finally realized was educating and writing, I decided that from that point forward I would only work in my purpose. Now, let me warn you, this choice was met with opposition and a cut in pay; but I wholeheartedly trusted in God’s will. However, from that moment, I received several blessings and earned many recognitions and God has restored my pay. Therefore, I know that I am working in His plan.

Please keep me in prayer as I attempt to complete this challenge and identify goals and dreams for the future.

Photo Credit:

Muscle and Bone

So I had a dream Wednesday morning (right before I woke up) that I was getting an x-ray. I remember being on a kind of dental chair with a doctor and an x-ray tech telling me that in my collarbone they found a hole. I remember looking at the x-ray and you could see a noticeable space the diameter of a straw and the length of my collar bone. Not only that but you could see there was a space also through the muscle. I specifically remember being confused about this injury and telling the doctor “but I don’t do contact sports”. Haha. Leave it to me even in my subconscious to say something like that. Then the doctor was explaining that they were going to repair it but there would be no anesthetic which I remembered being really freaked out about. How can you go inside of my body without numbing it first? After they finished repairing me I remember running up to this really tall muscular guy (I don’t have a thing for muscles at all so this definitely wasn’t some kind of fantasy haha) and him giving me a big hug. Then I woke up. Weird huh?
So clearly my dream was very anatomical. That much can be said. I’m no scientist or doctor so I turned to the next best thing–the internet:
What does my collarbone/clavicle do? (
  • The clavicle acts as a strut for the shoulder, allowing the arm to move away from the body. It also serves as attachment for many muscles of the upper body including the pectoralis major, the deltoid and the trapezius muscles.
  •  Beyond its mechanical duties, the clavicle also protects important nerves and blood vessels. Just beneath the clavicle lie neurovascular structures which supply the upper limb.
  •  Lastly, the clavicle creates a collar for our necklines. As it lies just below the surface of the skin, the contour of the clavicle is highly visible. Its unique curvature and shape make it a very attractive feature of the upper chest.
Conclusion: A broken or non fully-functioning clavicle prevents you from fully using your upper body and arm.
So it’s clear that there was a small part of my body/muscle that was missing and needed to be fixed for me to be able to use it properly. I think God was making a point here. He is working to heal any injury. Maybe wounds that I don’t know I had, or don’t know are still healing He is working on repairing. I don’t need anesthetic for this procedure. I didn’t have any pain when this was happening and all I remember is having a bandage over the area and running to this man. Maybe this man was representative of Jesus. I am healed and I ran to Jesus and He hugged me. He is the great Comforter after all. I don’t think it was by mistake that there was a spot missing in my “muscle” and this guy was totally muscular. He is strong when we are weak. The more I think about it, I’m sure this was supposed to be Jesus.
Here are some verses I found in the Bible:
Isaiah 58:9-12
[ A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places ] “If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people’s sins, If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight. I will always show you where to go. I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places— firm muscles, strong bones. You’ll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You’ll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.
Ezekiel 37:7-8
I prophesied just as I’d been commanded. As I prophesied, there was a sound and, oh, rustling! The bones moved and came together, bone to bone. I kept watching. Sinews formed, then muscles on the bones, then skin stretched over them. But they had no breath in them.
Zechariah 10:6-12
“I’ll put muscle in the people of Judah; I’ll save the people of Joseph. I know their pain and will make them good as new. They’ll get a fresh start, as if nothing had ever happened. And why? Because I am their very own God, I’ll do what needs to be done for them. The people of Ephraim will be famous, their lives brimming with joy. Their children will get in on it, too— oh, let them feel blessed by God! I’ll whistle and they’ll all come running. I’ve set them free—oh, how they’ll flourish! Even though I scattered them to the far corners of earth, they’ll remember me in the faraway places. They’ll keep the story alive in their children, and they will come back. I’ll bring them back from the Egyptian west and round them up from the Assyrian east. I’ll bring them back to sweet Gilead, back to leafy Lebanon. Every square foot of land will be marked by homecoming. They’ll sail through troubled seas, brush aside brash ocean waves. Roaring rivers will turn to a trickle. Gaudy Assyria will be stripped bare, bully Egypt exposed as a fraud. But my people—oh, I’ll make them strong, God-strong! and they’ll live my way.” God says so!
 In other words. Jesus wants us to be strong. He wants to give us a full life. He wants our lives to glow and to use the “old rubble” the “injuries” to restore, rebuild, and make things new. His Word can breathe life into dry bones, into things we considered long past dead. God is aware of our pain and our circumstances. He is aware of our desires. He promises to give us “a fresh start as if nothing had ever happened..because He wants to do what needs to be done” for us.


Any time I have a weird dream that I think might have a deeper meaning now I write it down. I always found dreams interesting but I haven’t begun really looking into them biblically until I started this blog. Here is another exercise I’m doing today, live, as I type this to try to understand what God could be saying to me.

On 9/30/14 at 8:56 am on the bus to work I wrote this note in my phone after waking up from a dream earlier that day:

-My uvula was tied up and I couldn’t swallow, trying to swallow made me gag

-I had one watch hidden in each bra cup (weird), a watch in my front pant’s pocket, and one on my left wrist. I had a sense during the dream that I was hiding them so no one would be able to take them from me

-Each watch was worth $150 so that would mean I had $600 total

Now none of these things together made any sense but the fact that there were a lot of details made me feel like this was an important dream.


The number 150 and/or the number 600

I had four watches

My uvula was bound

I remember how gross the feeling of my uvula was tied up in my dream. For those of you who don’t know what a uvula is, it’s that fleshy pouch that hangs in the back of your throat. Now imagine it’s bound up. Somehow is has gotten tied up inside of your throat. That’s pretty vile. Once I recovered from that memory I tried to find out what an uvula actually does. Sadly there is a lot of conflicting information on the internet on this body part. Some believe that it covers our nasal passage so our food/swallowing goes down our throat the right way. Some believe it assists in creating speech. I couldn’t find conclusive information on this overall, but it seems to be a part of the human body for a reason.

I tried to find some numerical definitions for 150 or 600. I didn’t have much luck with 150 (I only noticed one reference to the 150 years in the Ark during the flood) and so I turned my attention to 600 and I basically found out that Noah lived to be 600 years old and that the number 600 comes up a lot in war i.e. Goliath’s spear head weighed 600 shekels of iron, etc. Both numbers didn’t really help lead me to an explanation of why the number 150 was in my mind in the dream.

Lastly I tried to find some information about watches. Literally I know watches indicate the passing of time. Why did I have four watches though? I was wearing one on my left wrist. One was in my pocket, and two were quite literally down my shirt. How odd! Through researching online I came across a verse in Matthew 14 (verse 25) when Jesus walks on water. In some versions (KJV, ESV, NASB) it says literally “in the fourth watch of the night” to indicate  what time of the night Jesus appeared on the water.

“Jesus comes to His disciples in the fourth watch of the night. He comes when it is darkest. He comes after they have struggled for nine or ten hours. He comes to them not at the beginning of their struggle, but He comes to them at the end of their struggle. – Source:

The only thing I could really come up with is that I have passed a lot of time. I have waited for many things to come to pass in life and the fact remains that in the “fourth watch” Jesus appears. He will always come triumphantly when you think time has run out. Sometimes in our effort to stop time or hold on to time, we hold on to things that aren’t valuable. But even though at this time, I might be unable to fully speak, grasp, swallow what is happening–I can be confident that Jesus is still on time.

What do you think about my dream? Are there Biblical symbols I could have interpreted better? Do you have any insights?

Catching Fire

I’ve been feeling guilty for a while now about getting into the pattern of my daily inspirations and failing to write something off the grid. Nothing has really inspired me to break the pattern but a while back…maybe 1-3 months ago…I had a dream. And I thought about writing about it but I couldn’t figure out what it meant and the things I was coming across seemed really creepy and not at all what I was hoping my dream was about. So let’s cut to the chase.

I had a dream. I didn’t write it down and so I could be missing more details. But I remember I was trying to find transportation out of NYC. I’m assuming I was trying to go home which is part of my normal commute. But in this dream I was lost for some reason. There seemed to be a lot of volume regarding the people that were trying to get out and I remember seeing a large map–like a digital map either on tv or something–maybe a billboard. And you saw this big red mass sweeping across the map towards the east coast. I was going up and down escalators looking for trains or busses to take me home but a lot were full. Somehow I managed to get on either a bus or a train and I remember seeing fire–almost like lava in the way it moved–spreading around the city but also like it was following me. I specifically remember feeling like the fire was coming for me. And I woke up. I did my normal routine and tried to see online or in the bible if I could find anything and I couldn’t. One thing caught my eye and when I read it — I distinctly remember it being like hellish–like something condemning and it freaked me out so I tried to forget about it.

Then after about a month or so I was on Pinterest and I saw this picture:

It literally blew me away because in the moment I knew that’s what my dream was about. It wasn’t a bad fire. It was a God fire.

Hebrews 12:29 says “our God is a consuming fire”

Acts 2:3 says “and there appeared to them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat on each of them.”

Exodus 13:21-22 says “God went ahead of them in a Pillar of Cloud during the day to guide them on the way, and at night in a Pillar of Fire to give them light; thus they could travel both day and night. The Pillar of Cloud by day and the Pillar of Fire by night never left the people”

Fire = Holy Spirit, God’s presence, Tongues, Light/Guidance, protection

In essence the photo led me to believe that God was pursuing me and for some reason I was scared and was running away from it in the dream.

A few weeks ago I had another dream. This time I was on a kind of stage next to three other women around my age. No one talked but each one had a picket sign. I didn’t notice anything on them but when I looked at mine it was jagged at the top like it was missing a piece. Once I noticed that I was back home in the living room on the couch and I felt something on the inside of my bottom lip. When I pulled my lip down there was a glossy piece of a poster/photograph stuck to the inside of my lip. As I was pulling it off, my mom walked into the room and saw what I was doing. As soon as I freed the paper from my lip I started gushing blood and my mom got a towel to cover my mouth with. Right before I woke up I remember my mom being on the phone with a doctor asking about what was happening to me.

This one was very strange to me. Even more strange than the other one. Mainly because of the blood. I wasn’t scared of it per se. I didn’t have negative feelings but when I woke up I was probably focusing on how gross bleeding was. I also remember this faint feeling of something on my inner lip. It was comparable to when you have a band-aid on and your skin sort of feels strange once you take it off. Like that.

Anyway this one has been really difficult for me to wrap my head around. I looked on the internet a bit for the science of lips for some foundation information and this is what I came up with:

“When scientists list the top areas of the body in terms of sensitivity, the lips and fingertips are often ranked as the areas with the highest concentrations of receptor cells .

This sensitivity is also connected to the brain. The areas of the brain that receive messages from touch receptors in the lips and hands are much larger than the areas for receiving messages from less sensitive places, such as the back. More brain power is spent interpreting sensations of touch from the lips and fingers than from other areas that contain these cells .”…/lips-most-sensitive.htm

In short–lips collect information. They are sensitive to touch and communicate with your brain. On a basic level they are the opening to your body. They help you eat, they help you keep your mouth open and closed, and they help you form sounds. I actually tried holding my bottom lip and forming certain sounds or words and your lip struggles to move up to find your top lip. You can also convey expressions through your lips like smiling or frowning or pouting.

There are a lot of lip verses in the Bible: and

Some of them talk about what comes out of your mouth, lips being full of knowledge, lips being truthful, lips being angry, and lips being full of praise.

One that stood out to me was:

Proverbs 8:6-7

 “Listen, for I will speak noble things; And the opening of my lips will reveal right things. “For my mouth will utter truth; And wickedness is an abomination to my lips.- See more at:

If I was heavily bleeding from my bottom lip in my dream could it mean that my “lips were being opened”? The opening/bleeding will reveal something? Leviticus talks about “life in the blood” and in general as Christians we know that Jesus’s blood paid for our salvation.

Overall if I look at the two dreams there was fire and there was blood. It reminds me actually of the song “Beneath the waters” by Hillsong:

I stand a new creation
Baptized in blood and fire
No fear of condemnation
By faith I’m justified

In Acts 1:5 it talks about waiting “for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about. For John baptized witha water, but in a few days you will be baptized withb the Holy Spirit.”

So all of this to say I think God is surrounding me with the Holy Spirit. He’s showing me in my dreams that I might be scared of what He’s planning on doing but I do not need to worry that I will burn up in His fire. I need to think of it more like how people love snuggling up by a fireplace because of the warmth and comfort it gives. It’s not like God wants to barbecue me, right? Because of Jesus’s sacrifice for me I have been made new through His blood. In God’s Refiner’s Fire I am being made new. So I actually think, much to my dismay, that this is a dream to tell me that I will be speaking in tongues. The fire in my first dream was trying to find me. It did not have time to rest upon my head like in the Bible when people began to speak in tongues because I was running from it. In the second dream everyone is holding actual signs–full signs, and mine is missing a piece. Perhaps it is a literal representation of the gift of tongues. The piece that as missing was in my mouth stuck to my lip. And when I pulled it off–a surge of blood poured out–like a spring.

I think I’ve mentioned this before–but speaking in tongues still kind of freaks me out. I believe it’s possible. I believe some people fake it, but I do know people who I trust who wouldn’t lie about it. I’m confused as to how it works. You don’t know what you’re saying after all. How do you know when it’s going to start happening? Does it only happen in prayer time and then turn off? Do you speak in tongues but think you’re speaking in English? RIGHT? There’s a lot of things I wonder about. But I think overall it’s just a control thing. I don’t want to do something I don’t understand. I don’t want to lose control. I don’t want to freak people out.

Ultimately I rest in the knowledge that God is going to do what He knows to be best in my life whether I’m ready or not. I’m confessing my dreams at long last because I think I understand them now. And I’m curious to see what other dreams He has to show me. Overall I like the idea of God being my firey wall of protection, my defense, my shield, and a means of consuming the enemy. Similar to Katniss in the Hunger Games books, God wants me to be a “girl on fire”. In the first book there is a quote that says “I want the audience to recognize you when you’re in the arena,” says Cinna dreamily. “Katniss, the girl who was on fire.” I love that as a picture of what God could be saying to me. He wants the world to recognize that the fire of God is around me, is inside me. You can’t ignore someone who is on fire. In the wilderness, God lead His people by fire in the darkness, and so I trust that He will illuminate my path even though I might not know where I am going.

What do you think about my dream? Do you think it means anything else? Post below!